What Healing Has Really Looked Like For Me

Allie A. Barnes
2 min readNov 29, 2019


Photo by Ezra Jeffrey-Comeau on Unsplash

Last week I published an article entitled “Get Over It: Why you should work through your trauma and stop self sabotaging.” In it, I share the experiences of two different people — a guy I briefly dated a few years back, and one of my best friends — and how they worked to overcome past relationship trauma. Earlier this year I published an article about my own trauma recovery and what that looked like.

I want to tell you where I am right now.

Today, recovery looks like taking care of myself first — filling my own cup. It means daily scripture study. It means exercising and remembering to drink enough water. It means keeping my room clean(ish). And it means spending some time alone.

Recovery looks like pausing before I respond, especially when something triggers me. Sometimes it means not responding at all. Consciously choosing not to engage can feel immensely freeing, especially when I almost always used to react. It’s my choice.

Recovery looks like living my own life — working on personal projects, pursuing growth in my career and education, enjoying my hobbies, and solving my own problems. It’s healthy for me to know that I can do things for myself, but also healthy for me to have others in my life. I am mindful of when to ask for help or reach out for support and collaboration.

I still have moments when I carry so much anxiety about my relationships with others. I still react poorly far more often than I’d like to. I still have a tendency to apologize far more often than I need to.

But I see the progress every day. I could high-five myself each time I do one of those little things I mentioned above — they are such a contrast to the years I was codependent, emotionally unhealthy, and in a near-constant state of anxiety. Those are difficult habits to undo.

I’m practicing, and I’m trying. I think I’m doing pretty alright.

Two resources that still help me stay on track: The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency, by Melody Beattie, and its predecessor Codependent No More. These aren’t affiliate links. I’m just sharing them because they’ve helped me!



Allie A. Barnes

Captivated by Purpose • Musician, Author, People Person • Post-Mormonism • PNW