Inviting Authenticity, Vulnerability, and Christlike Love in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
When I started questioning certain aspects of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I knew one person I could safely talk about it with — my best friend who I already knew I could talk to about anything.
As I began sorting through my thoughts and could more readily define how I was feeling, that circle expanded to a couple more close friends — some active in the church, and some not.
I’m still here. Here are my thoughts on how we can create a safer space for people to experience uncertainties and ask questions.
I used to be afraid of becoming disillusioned with the church. Over the last couple of years, I’ve seen a number of incredible, mindful, brilliant individuals choose to leave the church. Many shared their decision on social media, noting how difficult it had been to make that decision to step away from the religion and beliefs that had been ingrained in them since childhood. They felt deep emotional pain — from the reasons they chose to leave, to the entire decision process, to the hurtful reactions of those around them. I didn’t want to go through that same pain. I ignored my questions for a long time.
What if we truly learned to “mourn with those that mourn” and “comfort those that stand in need of comfort” as our Savior would?
I only saw their end point. But what if they had felt comfortable sharing more openly at the beginning of the process? What if we, as members of the church, actually listened, loved, accepted, and supported individuals in their questioning — without coercion, band-aids, or any other quick fixes? What if we truly learned to “mourn with those that mourn” and “comfort those that stand in need of comfort” as our Savior would (Mosiah 18:9)?
Furthermore, what if we just loved people as they were and where they were at, instead of trying to convert, reactivate, or mold them into who we want them to be? What if we simply worked to have Christ in our hearts, trusting that He would reach the people we love in ways only He knows how?
How can we create that safe space for the people we love?
As I worked through my own questions and concerns, I began paying more attention to the stories and experiences shared from the pulpit — both in General Conference and in my ward. While leaders and individuals seem to be open to sharing past trials and experiences, they seem less likely to share about past sins, shortcomings, and faith crises. I understand why — it can be uncomfortable to share those intimate details of our lives, and many topics may be considered taboo. But I believe there are still ways to communicate and feel less alone in our individual journeys.
The General Handbook of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (as of December 2020) states that those invited to speak during sacrament meeting should “teach the doctrine of the gospel, relate faith-promoting experiences, bear witness of divinely revealed truths, and use the scriptures. Speakers should teach in a spirit of love after prayerful preparation. They should not speak on subjects that are speculative, controversial, or out of harmony with Church doctrine” (29.2.2.6). During Fast & Testimony Meeting, members are invited “to bear heartfelt testimonies and to relate faith-promoting experiences” (29.2.3). Even with these guidelines, we can still be open and vulnerable in our teaching and testifying, leading to more authentic and genuine connections within our wards and communities.
Here are some points to consider as you seek to connect more authentically in this way:
- You should only share experiences if you feel prompted to by the Spirit, and if you feel comfortable doing so.
- As we are instructed to share in a “spirit of love” and to only share “faith-promoting experiences,” sometimes it’s better to wait to testify in a church setting. This is especially true if you’re struggling with difficult, painful, or resentful feelings. It’s probably better to confide in a close friend or write out your experiences first until you find greater peace, clarity, and a “spirit of love.”
- If you don’t feel comfortable sharing in a large group, you absolutely do not have to. You can choose to simply write your thoughts and experiences in a private journal, or speak to close friends or family members about it. Communicating your experience — in whatever way feels right — can help you process and normalize it.
- You can still focus on the things you believe in while acknowledging your doubts. There are so many aspects of the gospel (doctrines, culture, leadership, structure, etc.). It’s absolutely okay to keep building a testimony in any part of any area at any time.
There is so much that I love about the pure doctrine of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I believe that the Book of Mormon is a true book of scripture — a record of the ancient inhabitants of the Americas and their testimony of Jesus Christ. I believe that the Book of Mormon goes hand-in-hand with the Holy Bible. I believe in the sweetness and power of personal revelation. I believe wholeheartedly in the first and second great commandments: “Thou shalt love the Lord the God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind… [and] Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself” (Matthew 22:37–39 KJV). I believe in a loving Father in Heaven. I believe and have hope in my Savior.
There is a lot I still don’t understand, but I’m so grateful for safe spaces and beloved friends to counsel with. My questions don’t scare me anymore. I know I’m not alone.
This is not an official publication of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The views expressed herein belong solely to the author.
